The Wedding Of Alcmene

(H34/221) - The Parody

Alcmene: I'm getting married.
Herc & Iolaus: OK
Alcmene: You're not surprised?
Iolaus: Not really; haven't you read the episode title?
Alcmene: It's Jason.
Herc: Well now I'm mad! Now that it proves to be someone I already know and care for, someone who has enough money to make you get by for many, many years to come, and not to mention, I know will take could care of you, I'm very upset.

Herc: How long have you been seeing him?
Alcmene: Only all you life.
Herc: I can't believe it!
Alcmene: I'm sorry, I should've told you…
Herc: No, not that. I just can't believe Jason's that old.

Royal advisor: By the way I talk, you can clearly tell that I am the bad guy and I have no respect for my king.
Jason: And by the way I talk, you can clearly tell that I'm aware of that. Btw, why am I still having you around?
Royal advisor: I have no idea.

Blue Priest: I work for Hera.
Royal advisor: OK
Blue Priest: Let's kill Hercules.
Royal advisor: OK.

Jason: By marring Alcmene I lose my crown, but I can select my successor. Hercules?
Herc: I would really consider it if it wasn't for the silly clothes.
Jason: Iolaus, then I have a job for you.
Iolaus: Wow Jason! I thought you'd never ask. I'm honoured, but I really will have to think this one through just a bit…
Jason: Actually I want you to go get my second choice…
Iolaus: Oh… I knew that.

*Herc, Alc and Jas get attacked*
Herc: Uh-oh. Jason is about to get killed by that man who is stooping down over him, about to bring his sword down. I better throw myself at him so we both fall down. *does so* Wow, what a luck that the sword went up in the air. Me rocks.

Jason: I said 'bring back old friends who can share the joy with Alcmene and me.' Not 'bring back everyone Hercules ever laid his eyes on'. *pauses* Btw, didn't I use to rule in Argos?
TPTB: Really? Uh, I mean I knew that. We changed it- because- because people kept mixing it up with Xena's horse... Yeah, that's it!

Blue Priest: Until Perfidia attacks Hercules, you are servants, nothing else.
Servants, nothing else: *chuckles*
Blue Priest: What's so funny? - If you don't stop giggling I'll call Perfidia at you!
Servants, nothing else: *bursts out laughing*
Blue Priest: Are you mocking my pet?! Are you?! - *with tears in his throut* I'll have you know that Perfidia is very sensitive.
Servants, nothing else: *rolls around on the ground, roaring with laughter*

Jason: Iphicles, get your butt up here.
Iphicles: What's the rush?
Jason: I've just read the script… Eh, I mean, no reason. Here's the crown and yada, yada, yada, now you're king.
*sea monster appears*
Jason: Take him, take him! He's king now. *gets swallowed* Dang!

*Herc jumps in after him*
Jason: Wow! Look at that slimy wall! *hihi* That looks like cotton. *points* Oh… The spine has balloons in it!
Herc: *shakes head* What a rookie. *rips out balloons, kills Perfidia and escapes. all in about one second*

Amphion: …declare you husband and wife.
Salmoneus: May you both, and your love ones, live happily ever after.
People: *laughing* "Live happily"? *grasps for air* "…ever after"?! *hihihoho* What a joke! *haha* *ROTFL*

 

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