Herc: Hello, we're the good guys.
Iolaus: And we're funny, too!
Mean Guy: Get them!
Iolaus (to two Bad Guys): Excuse me, would you mind slamming me into the wall and keep hitting me? You see, this is this series very first scene and we have to make it clear for the viewers that one of my biggest parts is to get in trouble so Hercules can save me.
Bad Guys: Sure, no problem.
*Herc saves Iolaus*
Iolaus: Thanks, Buddy! Btw, I'm now gonna tell you how awesome I think this fight was so that you will have a reason to say that you actually didn't like it because you're a good family man.
Herc: Yes, I love my family. And from now on I decided that we're completely going ignore yours so that I'll look even better.
*Hera torches Herc's family*
Herc: Damn you Hera! You'll pay for this till the day a die!
Hera: *rolls eyes* Didn't see that one coming…
Long, extremely long, everlasting, endless, forever going sequence with beautiful landscapes.
Iolaus: Whatchya doing?
Herc: I'm trying to maintain the perfect balance between tears and no tears so that I show that I have an emotional side, but yet is not a whimp.
Iolaus: Aha. Mind if I join you?
Herc: Go ahead.
Iolaus: So, why are we so sad?
Herc: Hera killed my family.
Iolaus: B*tch! What about Zeus?
Herc: I hate him now.
Iolaus: Good for you. So, wanna smash some temples.
Herc: Yeah, but I'm not going to let you in on the fun.
Annoying Man: What are you doing?
Herc: I'm going torch my house and then go to my insurance company and tell them that Hera sent a fire bolt at my house. That way I can get my money without lying, pretty smart uh?
Annoying Man: I think I'll go now…
Annoying Man: Hercules is bad.
Iolaus: No way! Hercules is good. Btw, did you say she-demon? Aha! I smell an even bigger mess for Hercules to get me out of. Let's go.
Herc: Hercules bang. Hercules crash and smash.
Iolaus: No way! Hercules is go… Oh, sorry wrong scene.
Herc: What are you doing?
Annoying Slave: Working on my speaker credit.
Herc: Better now?
Annoying Girl: Actually I was going for Very Annoying, but this will do.
Annoying Girl: Shouldn't you be like helping people?
Herc: *whining* But this is so much fun.
Annoying Girl: You can still crash and smash even when you're good…
Annoying Girl: Sure, and you get all those cool one-liners, too.
Herc: What are we waiting for? Let's go save some people!
She-Demon: What's with the sword?
Iolaus: Haven't you read the synopsis? It clearly says, "Iolaus killed She-Demon".
She-Demon: Actually, it says, "Iolaus killed by She-Demon".
She-Demon: Ha-ha! The Tippex is mightier.
Spooky Man: Ooohoho. I am the Christmas ghost of your future…
Herc: 'Scuse me?
Spooky Man: Na, just kidding ya. But I do have some bad news.
Herc: *sigh* Iolaus' dead, isn't he?
Spooky-Man: How'd you know?
Herc: Well, it's not like it never happened before.
Herc: Why are you doing this?
She-Demon: You would get upset, too, if everyone kept stepping on your dress.
Herc: *looks down* Oops.
She-Demon: Aaaaa! *attacks*
Herc: *pulls out red cape* Toro, toro!
*She-Demon runs into herself, kind of*
Herc: That was easy.
Herc: So, how was the Other Side?
Iolaus: I met my wife and ch…
Iolaus: Right, I met your wife and children.
Herc: That's better.
Iolaus: So, what now?
Herc: I'm going home to make a list with real cool one-liners, and then I'm of being a hero.
Iolaus: Can you come up with any good reason why I can't join you?
Iolaus: Me neither…
TPTB: Hey, there are tons of good reasons; it's just that they're… eh… classified. Now, why don't you two be good boys and run along with the script so we can play the awesome hero-music already.
Herc: Bye, Iolaus.
Iolaus: See ya.
* Ta-tatum-tara-tumtum-tatuum-taratumtum-tuum aka Awesome hero-music*